my marianne

  The nurses wheeled her away into the intensive care unit. “Connell, don’t cry, she’s going to be alright,” I told myself. I couldn’t help the burning sensation in my eyes from holding back my tears. Everything that happened today was peculiar. She was quiet and not talking about Jane Austen, her face was pale and her lips were chapped, she was not wearing her iconic Maddy inspired makeup from Euphoria and her favourite watch was not around her wrist for the first time after many months of knowing her. I felt so wretched as I watched her being wheeled into the intensive care unit, thinking that I’ll never have a second chance to see her again. A glimpse of memories with her flashed in my memory as she was being taken away from me. Marianne always told me to not ask anything about her, and honestly, I always hated her for not sharing anything with me. Was she thinking that I would leave her if she told me the truth or I would get hurt if I knew the truth? 

I was playing Heather by Conan Gray as I was driving to school. I had this instinct feeling of being able to find the love of my life as I couldn't stop listening to the song. As I arrived at school, I saw a 5 foot 5 inches brunette girl getting down from a white Mercedes Benz.  Even though I was metres away from her, I could see her flawless face. I thought I was hallucinating but no, I saw her again walking past me to go to her seat. The lyrics of Heather, “As she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than the blue sky, she's got you mesmerised while I die,’ was playing on loop in my head. 

I was unconsciously staring at her. Her threaded eyebrows, curled eyelashes, double piercings on both ears; I have never seen an impeccable beauty in my lifetime. Maybe this is how Romeo felt when he saw Juliet at the Capulet’s party. She caught me staring at her but she didn’t flinch nor stared back with anger but she smiled at me. It was hard for me to focus in class, I turned to her seat 15 times to look at her warm smile. After class, she approached me to ask about school. I was terror-stricken at first as I thought she was approaching me to confront me about me constantly staring at her but I was wrong. She was nicer than I imagined. She saw the Pride and Prejudice book that I was holding in my hands and told me that she loved Jane Austen. 

If I have to be completely honest, Jane Austen is the reason why Marianne and I became friends. I have to admit the fact that I lied to Marianne without thinking about me loving Jane Austen.

 A nurse came running out of the intensive care unit with cold sweat. I felt a sudden shiver along my spine as I saw the nurse talking to Marianne’s parents. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation. “ She… breathing … bruises.. body… maybe.. might not .. alive,” the nurse said. “Bruises? What bruises? She looked perfectly alright when I dropped her at her house. Marianne told me that her parents were away for a week but what are they doing here?” many questions without answers were running through my mind. To get all the pieces to the puzzle, I had to confront the nurse. I stopped the nurse who was running to the intensive care unit and asked her to say the same thing she told Marianne's parents. She refused to tell me at my first attempt at persuading her, but the tears held back burst out from my eyes made her tell me the truth. I couldn’t comprehend whatever the nurse said not because of not being able to understand her language but whatever she told seemed unreal. My blood was pumping, my mind was blank, my breathing was inconsistent, my head was spinning like a top as I dropped to the ground. Everything was my fault. I should’ve said no to Marianne.

Months after being friends with Marianne, she finally asked me to bring her to watch stars from the lake near my house.  I was aware that her parents were strict and barely allowed her to hang out. I got all my courage to finally ask Marianne to be my girlfriend. Even though I call Marianne my best friend, I didn’t know what she likes. Then, I decided to bring a picnic mat for us to lay down as we watch the stars. I went to her house to pick her up, she looked ethereal even in sweatpants. As we lay down on the mat and watched the stars, I confessed my love to her by quoting “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,” from Pride and Prejudice. She smiled at me and she said yes without thinking twice. 

I always knew that she was my Elizabeth Bennet when I first glanced at her and indeed she was my Elizabeth Bennet and I was her Fitzwilliam Darcy. We fell asleep together as we watched the stars.

“Connell, wake up,” a familiar voice whispered into my ears. It was Marianne. She was smiling when my parents looked at me with pain in their eyes. I asked why she was wearing a white dress but she apologised for not telling me what she was going through all these years and I made her happy all the time. I was confused and asked her if whatever the nurse told me was true; she nodded with a smile. She told me that her parents were abusive for as long as she could remember and told me that it wasn’t my fault that she was caught red-handed. “ I told you my parents were away for their business meeting but it was cancelled. They were home before you dropped me at my house. My dad was interrogating me as if I committed a crime and couldn’t help but scream at him. He pushed me down. If I was extra careful, I wouldn’t have gotten my neck injured. It did hurt a little but memories that we had together for 16 months flashed again for 7 minutes and eventually, I didn’t feel any pain. I’m telling you again, it’s not your fault; you’re the best person I’ve ever known,” she told as her image started fading away.